A Modest Proposal by Jake Parker

If Jonathan Swift and Henry Fielding were alive today and active users of social media, I would imagine the following situations to play out:

Henry Fielding would try and make money, (pg. 2437 of our text discusses his lack of wealth due to his father) and thus would write for someone that pays a good bit. His later founding of the Bow Street Runners would/could potentially get him somewhere, "his literary output" reflecting his knowledge and experience with "nobility" and "street criminals" (2437). I imagine whoever publishes the work of Stephen King so frequently could make do with someone like Fielding. His work reflects different areas of social injustice (the housemaid in Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded). Lifetime could make some of his stories into daytime movies or perhaps he could work in a theater with his experience. I would see Fielding using social media to observe people rather than use it himself. If he was on something like Twitter, he would probably only use it to poke fun at people of interest or to sarcastically respond to fans. 

Jonathan Swift, however, would do well in a place like the Onion News (because his Modest Proposal is so funny and clever. That would be the best place to publish something else along those lines). His style of writing relies on the reader having to pick up on small cues (like how some readers did not understand he was making a sale pitch to eat babies). His humor and satire appeals to readers, not really a wide audience. At the same time, I could see him making several political articles attacking our current president. I see Swift having a Twitter but not using it to post or rant. He would check it constantly to see updates from our Commander in Chief. If I am putting him in the States, then I see his focus being predominantly among the more Christian south. If he were to write to any particular audience regarding topics of religion and politics, he would fit in here. (You will have to forgive me for not having a Christian social media outlet in mind for him...) Our text discusses several instances of him writing pamphlets in support of political policies (2465), so the internet would be a good place for him to go. I imagine a website or blog set up that he would dedicate his efforts to. Swift, like Fielding, would probably publish a book or two. Then, with his fame and popularity on the rise, he would appear on CNN or Fox or both. 

Jake's Modest Proposal 

In my reflection of everyday life I have found there is one theme I pick up on more than others: consumption. I do not mean of alcohol only (although so much money does go to drink), I mean people are eating too damn much. We are burning too much, buying too much, throwing out too much, using too much, eating too much, drinking too much, partying too much, recycling too much, the list goes on. Our demands for food are so high that we are genetically modifying our own soils to produce more and more! We have horrific processes of breeding animals, killing their young, and breeding more. Our McDonald's pattys are not real meat, those McNuggets are, like, made up of some pink goo! I saw that on Facebook! People tweet too much, phones are being updated every other week: the older models being tossed into trash cans. Kids use motorized scooters instead of their feet! People are having too many kids and using them to squeeze more money from the system: old people are staying alive longer and social security will eventually be a thing of the past! Am I speaking in generalizations? Good! Because in thirty years when you read my post, the historical context will mean nothing to you! "Who's Donald Trump?" "I don't know. Wait, isn't he the dude that started WWIII?" You know who that dialogue is between?! Two irradiated slugs! That's right: the Doomsday Clock says we are TWO MINUTES to midnight! The end is here and no one has a solution!

Anyway, sorry my ADD medication isn't helping me focus (doesn't it seem like every adult in this generation have some disability?).

My point is to stop consumption on this scale and here's how we do it: eat the elderly. That's right, I'm piggy backing off of Swift because in this generation there are no original ideas! I remade it, but with a twist. The American dream: work 50+ years for your country and retire while your country works for you! You look forward to baking in the hot sun on a beach somewhere? Well you can bake in my oven! The less resources we put into elderly health care the better. Retirement homes are depressing anyways. Why not put those resources into building better housing for the little guys? The nurses do not do much work anyways and the amount of money we can save from not having those lawsuits from concerned family members: the better. (They only want the money, poor Granny can have a bedsore!) If my idea works we have food for everyone. There are SO many old people, and nowadays (unlike in Swift's time) we have ways of preserving food for much longer. No more senior citizen discounts! Kroger can lower their gas prices! 

Politicians giving themselves retirement benefits with our tax money? Hell no; more like say f**k no to that! 

But that's not all, this is a remake isn't it? What's a remake without more twists and potential for a sequel? 

If this works then we attack the weak! That's right, the weak! The feeble! The invalids!

NOTE: This is meant to be written super poorly, to reflect my generations go-getter but naive attitude. Great, we all think we sound smart: try not using "like" in an actual written assignment. I'm no Chuck Pahliniuk (see Fight Club) but I want this proposal itself to be written by someone who has an idea and an end result in mind, but no specific examples of how this will actually work. It had to be edgy but not subtle like Swift. Our generation needs more bluntness. I hope some of it made you chuckle.